I guess Chip really loves that “Real good stuff” in the new drinks from the Bell.

Next up - the Star Trek Convention in Vegas!

At the movie theater, about to see The Love Guru, two girls behind me were having a conversation. An ad came up on the screen for that vaccine that’s supposed to prevent the disease that causes cervical cancer. This greatly confused the two teen girls.

Girl 1: What’s cervical cancer?

Girl 2: Duh, it’s cancer of your cervical.

Yesterday at the airport I was waiting to board my flight while the departing passengers exited the plane. One guy was on his phone, walking fast and talking loud.

Dude on the phone: So you finally bought a porn with a plot? What did you think?

Heh. Keep your ears open this month!

Adios Tucson, you oppressively hot beast of burden. Hello New York, you oppressively humid and hot surly wench. We have two chess events on the East Coast within the next week, and you all know how much I love chess. Once again we’re teaming up with WuChess and the RZA to prevent teen pregnancy by teaching kids how cool it is to play chess after school instead of…well…you know. I’m an expert in this area. After all, I’ve played chess more times in the past 6 months than…yeah…you get the idea. So armed with an intense love of board games and a strong desire to get the heck out of T-Town, I bid my friends in Tucson adieu as I fly cross country for king and queen (the chess pieces, get it?)!

There, I said it. If you’ve seen it already, then you know what I’m talking about. I knew it was going to be my new favorite movie after only the first twenty minutes. The visuals are incredible, the music is amazing, the characters are spot-on. I can’t stop thinking about how cool Pixar is and how much I love my new favorite robot (sorry Data). By the way, as of this post, Wall-E has already made it to #9 in the IMDB users “top 250 movies of all time” list. Pretty darn incredible. And check out SlashFilm’s list of Wall-E easter eggs.

If anyone is going to go see Wall-E this week, I’m coming along. Even if you’re on a date - I’ll sit well enough away so as not to disturb.

Oh, and by the way, I loved the movie so much that I decided to officially rename my dog.

July 11 - 13, 2008.

Prepare for the Mini-Liqour Football gentlemen.

San Juan - The people of Puerto Rico are rejoicing in the street as Governor Rico has reinterpreted the laws that have regulated immigration and work policies in the small Caribbean nation for decades. “I have been informed recently that my interpretation of the laws may have been wrong,” noted the Governor, who has been administrator (Amtmann) of the island for the past year, “I am working hard to understand the correct meaning of these regulations and how they could have been misunderstood in the first place.

According to inkwaste sources, the Governor’s analysis of the island’s regulations had initially allowed only a fixed amount of immigrants to enter the country and work in the cities. Mayor McCheese (NOTE: GET A SOURCE FOR THIS BEFORE WE GO TO PRINT) had always insisted that this policy was short-sighted. “When a new ship full of immigrants comes to port, there never seem to be a proportionate amount of workers for our city buildings,” the mayor noted, “I found myself unable to provide enough workers to factories and other municipal positions.”

Another point of contention with the Mayor came with Governor Rico’s rigid stance on local workers and their ability to pursue alternative occupations. “Why should they want to change their work?” asked Rico, “I don’t want to be anything other than Governor.” With the new rules, whenever an immigrant ship comes to port workers have an opportunity to seek alternative jobs based on availability. “Finally, I can leave my cornfield!” Noted Brauwn Disc, one of the island’s many fieldworkers, “I’d really like to travel to the city. Perhaps work in that small market or coffee roaster.”

Governor Rico has issued an apology to all those affected, and promises to abide by the new interpretation of the rules from now on. All those who think they might be able to govern Puerto Rico better than Governor Rico (yeah, Puerto and I have the same last name) are invited to challenge him anytime.

Wes and I are going to hit up what promises to be one of Pixar’s best - Wall-E - this Thursday evening at the midnight show. This is one of the movies I’ve been most excited about this summer (the first was Ironman), and I’m so excited that the time has finally come for me to see it. If you’re in Tucson, and you want to come see one of the summer’s best, come up to the Foothills theater on Thursday at midnight and watch it with two of the world’s best movie critics. By the way, did I mention that Wes and I are the only people in the country who really enjoyed The Love Guru? Heh.

I’ve included the latest trailer for your viewing pleasure!

Some Carlin Quotes:

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

When you make a sandwich at home, do you reach down past the first three or four pieces of bread to go down and get ‘the good bread’? It’s kind of a self preservation thing, y’know? What you’re really saying is, “Let my family eat the rotten bread! I’ll take care of Numero Uno!” And down you go into the loaf. Down, looking for the two that you want, a matching pair. And you have to be careful pulling them out so they don’t tear. And then when you get them to the top, the upper eight slices fall the other way. I never straighten them out. I think, screw it, let ‘em think a burglar made a sandwich.